Of All The Gorram Luck
by Ryan Lohner
Summary: Firefly crossover. Serenity is pulled into the Babylon 5 universe by a leftover rip in Sector 14.
1. Chapter 1

Warren Keffer groaned when he came out of hyperspace. He had miscalculated the exit, and ended up miles away from the station. "Computer, identify our location," he snapped.

"Current location is Sector 14," the Starfury's computer chirped back. Keffer cursed under his breath; he was in for it now. It would take him four hours to return to Babylon 5, where he would certainly be heavily chewed out for wasting so much time chasing something that might not exist. Plus, weird things had been known to happen in Sector 14, and he had no desire to stay any longer than necessary. He asked the computer to plot a course to the station, and it complied by pointing the ship in the right direction. Now all he had to do was go forward and wish he had a deck of cards.

Just then, a brilliant flash of white light erupted to his right. After it faded Keffer looked over and saw a ship the likes of which he had never seen before. It was round, squat, and ugly, and looked like it would fall apart any minute. Whatever it was, considering where they were Keffer didn't want anything to do with it and went back to following his course. But after a few seconds, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his Starfury around. The strange ship was following him. He had no choice now; the people back at the station wouldn't be too happy if he led a potentially hostile force right to them. "Computer, open channel to…whatever that thing is."

Mal was the first to wake up. He quickly shook Wash awake as well. "No mom, I don't want to go to school," he mumbled before snapping out of it. "Captain! Sir! What in hell was that?"

"Nothing good, that's for sure," said Mal as he pulled out the intercom. "Will all hands please report to the bridge?" he said, and a few seconds later Zoe and Book arrived. "Where's the others?" Mal asked.

Zoe replied, "Probably still unconscious. Whatever hit us did a number on all hands; I'm amazed the ship's still flying."

"Now what is that?" said Book, looking to the left. Everyone else followed his gaze to the strange X-shaped object just off their port.

"Never thought I'd see the day when you didn't know what was going on, Shepherd," said Mal. "Maybe it's a piece off some ship, we can sell for scrap. Let's bring it in."

Wash took Serenity toward the object, only for it to suddenly turn around, revealing a window with a person visible inside. "I…did not see that coming," said Wash before their wavescreen crackled to life.

"This is Lieutenant Warren Keffer of Earth Alliance to unidentified craft. Please identify yourselves."

Mal gave a barely perceptible nod to Wash before saying, "Yeah, see, we've been having some problems-" and at that moment Wash disabled the wavescreen's microphone. As Wash pantomimed trying to fix it, Mal asked, "So what do we do?"

Wash replied, "Well, he said Alliance, which isn't a good word around here."

Zoe added, "But he said Earth Alliance. As in Earth-That-Was. I've never heard it used that way before."

Mal looked to Book, who said, "I suggest we hear him out for now, at least until we have some idea of what's going on."

Mal again nodded to Wash who reattached the mike. Mal said to the man on the screen, "Sorry about that, happens from time to time. Now, I'm not too familiar with any "Earth" Alliance, you mind explaining that?"

Keffer looked surprised by the comment. "Oh, I guess you're a race we haven't made contact with yet. Sorry about that, you just looked so much like humans. Listen, I come from a station called Babylon 5 you might have heard of, that has all kinds of different species represented on it. They're always looking for more, so why don't you come along? What's the name of your species anyway?"

Mal, Wash, Zoe, and Book were all looking at each other flabbergasted through the whole speech. Mal got back on the com and said, "Not sure what you're talking about, we're all humans here. Ain't no other species intelligent enough to need representation, as far as I know."

Keffer looked even more surprised. "Oh. Maybe you're some kind of lost colony, like on that old Battlestar Galactica show. Boy, the Centauri said we were a lost colony of theirs, now I might have actually found one! Look, just follow me. It'll be about four hours." At this the wavescreen shut off.

"I don't like it, Mal," said Wash. "Ship that small, and look how slow its moving. It can't put up much of a fight."

"You never can tell," said Zoe. "Maybe there's some new technology that can give a ship like that enough firepower to vaporize us all. He sure didn't seem too worried about us."

Mal sighed. "She's right. We'd best do what he says for now. So, four hours. Anyone up for some hoops?"


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I should specify now that this story takes place between In the Shadow of Z'Ha'Dum and The Long, Twilight Struggle for B5, and between Objects in Space and the BDM for Firefly.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

During the trip, the other members of Serenity's crew had all woken up. Simon was particularly antsy, sure that he and River were about to be captured. He had been to everyone else on the ship begging for some way to stop what was happening. None had been able to do it.

On the bridge, Mal and Wash were astonished when they rounded a red, barren-looking planet to reveal a gigantic space station. Mal leaned forward, saying, "In all my years in the 'verse, I've never seen something that big made by human hands. Where the hell are we?"

The wavescreen started up, and Lieutenant Keffer's face appeared again. "Quite a sight, isn't it? I'll call the deck and arrange for you to dock safely."

Shortly afterward, another face appeared on the screen: a strong-featured woman who said "This is Commander Ivanova, Babylon 5 Control. Please follow my instructions for safe docking."

A few minutes later Serenity was inside the station, and the crew, minus Simon and River, stood in the cargo bay as the hatch opened. Standing there were two men, one balding and looking ready for anything, the other with, Mal thought, a rather dopey smile. The latter stepped up and extended his hand. "I'm Captain John Sheridan, CO of the station. Welcome."

Mal shook the captain's hand, noticing a strange device attached to the back, and replied, "Malcolm Reynolds. Now, you mind telling me what the rutting hell's going on in this gorram place?"

Sheridan's smile shook a little. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with some of the words you just used. They probably evolved among your people when you split from the rest of humanity. We'll have to talk about that. Oh, and this is my security chief, Michael Garibaldi. I hope you're not offended, but he's a little paranoid about new visitors." Jayne shot Garibaldi his most intimidating look, which the man somewhat playfully returned in kind.

As the crew stepped off the ship, Sheridan continued, "So, where are you from? No one's ever been aware of any kind of lost colony. You happen to know when your people left Earth?"

Mal snorted. "Few hundred years ago, same as anyone else. We're from all different places, but I'm from a planet called Shadow. Ever heard of it?"

At this Sheridan's smile disappeared completely, but only for a second. He tried to appear unmoved as he replied, "No, I haven't. I can see we have a lot to talk about, but that can wait. Since Lieutenant Keffer's in no mood to talk to his superiors any time soon, he'll show you all to some quarters."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

At the breep of her door, Delenn said, "Enter." Sheridan did so, and said, "Morning, Ambassador. I trust you've heard of our new arrivals?"

Delenn replied, "Yes, they sound most interesting. I hope to meet them soon."

Sheridan sighed, then said, "Well, their captain says he's from a planet called Shadow. It may not have anything to do with our little problem, but just in case, I'd keep an eye on them if I were you."


	3. Chapter 3

Hillary Weston: D'oh! Well, I guess there had to be some logic screw-up to actually get Serenity to B5, as Sector 14 is so far away and is the only way I could think of to get them there (besides just saying the two shows are in the same universe, which there's just no way to make work here).

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Keffer led the six crew members through a corridor, when he was surprised by Kaylee walking up to him. "That ship of yours is pretty impressive. What's it called?" she asked.

Keffer stuttered a bit, caught off guard by how…bubbly she was. "It's called a Starfury, miss. Can't do a thing in an atmosphere, but there's no better ship yet built for space flight." Upon seeing he had captured her interest he went on. "It can travel any direction, x, y, or z axis, and turn 180 degrees in one second flat. So, you like it?"

From further back Wash whispered to the others, "Looks like Simon's got his work cut out for him. Kaylee's got a shiny new toy."

Jayne scoffed at this. "Maybe we can convince her to stay here, so I don't have to deal with her being so gorram cheerful all the time."

Mal turned around and looked Jayne in the eyes. "No one's getting left behind. As soon as we figure out what the hell's going on, we're out of here. ALL of us."

The conversation was abruptly halted as they emerged into the Zocalo. All of Serenity's crew were dumbfounded by the aliens walking around everywhere. Mal went over to Keffer and whispered, "So what's everyone all dressed up for?"

Keffer replied, "Not sure what you mean. Everyone I can see is just wearing the usual dress for their people."

Mal said, "I mean, you've got people dressed like lizard men, and some have tentacles on their face, and some have big bone things on the back of their heads. What's the deal?"

At this Keffer turned straight to Mal. "Let's get something straight right now," he said, his tone suddenly much harder. "Someone as bigoted as you must be to make a joke like that, and what you said earlier about no other species needing representation, would be wise not to voice those opinions here. I'll fight to the death for your right to believe as you want, but stow it for now, all right?"

Mal had no idea what to say, but settled for, "Okay."

As the group continued on, two Narns watched them. "Are you sure about this?" one said.

"Positive," said the other. "Look at the hair of the dark-skinned one. No human male grows their hair that long. They're Centauri all right, pretending to be humans for some no doubt evil purpose. Except one of them was too egotistical to actually cut his hair off, and so we can stop them."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Simon sat as calmly as he could muster in Serenity's mess hall, watching River bounce off the walls. "Come on Simon, let me go out and play!" she said for the hundredth time.

"River, it's not safe out there," he repeated. "Who knows what those people out there will do to you?"

Then River simply stopped, and looked at what seemed to Simon to be nothing in particular. "Oh, it's so beautiful!" she said. "I wish you could see it. It's like an angel. I've got to go!"

River rushed out of the room before Simon could grab her. He quickly ran after her, as she went through the cargo bay, and outside.


	4. Chapter 4

Garibaldi headed toward the docking bay, sure his suspicions were about to be confirmed. Scanners had detected two more life forms aboard the mysterious ship, and he was personally going to see what this Malcolm Reynolds had to hide. However, what he never expected was to see Kosh there. The Vorlon was facing a young girl, whose hands were moving in odd patterns, almost as if they were caressing something, except she wasn't touching anything. "So pretty…" she kept mumbling.

Then Kosh turned toward Garibaldi, and he stammered trying to respond. "Oh, I'm sorry Ambassador, I really wasn't expecting to see you here. If you have some kind of business with these two, by all means, keep going. I can leave."

All Kosh said in return was "They do not belong here," before walking away.

Garibaldi now turned his attention toward the girl, who was still doing the same mysterious things. "And I thought Zathras was weird," he said to himself before noticing another person in the ship's hatchway, who was watching in terror. Two life forms, just like the scanner said.

"Hi there," Garibaldi said, to which the man gave a nervous wave. "You'd better come with me."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

To the strange noise at the door, Mal opened it to reveal an exhausted looking Garibaldi, with Simon and River behind him. "Please tell me you can take care of her from now on," he panted.

"Sure," said Mal, inwardly cringing. "Mr. Garibaldi, this is our ship's doctor Simon and his sister River."

"Any particular reason they didn't come out with the rest of you?"

"Well, the doc's a mite afraid of new places, and as you may have noticed, River's got some issues of her own. Ain't that right, doc?"

Simon hesitantly returned, "Yes, absolutely."

"Well," said Garibaldi, having somewhat caught his breath, "We're a bit short on space, so I guess they can share your room."

Mal struggled not to reveal his dismay.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Book was reading over his Bible, the parts that were still legible anyway, when his own door announced a visitor. "Come," he said, and the door opened to reveal someone wearing one of the strange lizard-like costumes. "What can I do for you?" he asked.

The man closed the door, and turned to him with an angry glare. "Centauri scum," he spat out. "You're going to tell me exactly what's you're all doing here, and why you're pretending to be humans."

Book was more confused than ever before. "I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about. Why don't you take off the mask, and we can talk this out?"

This made him even angrier. "This is no mask, the hatred I have for your people is very real! Was it not enough that you enslaved us for a hundred years? Every day more Narns die. Why? And what do you have to do with it?"

Book suddenly felt safer standing than sitting. "Once again, I must confess I have no idea what you're talking about. What exactly are Narns and Centauri?"

Something seems to snap inside the stranger, and he began to throttle Book, who countered with a lightning blow to the throat. As the man went down on all fours gasping for air, Book rushed out of the room, hoping to find some clue as to what they were all in the middle of.


	5. Chapter 5

At the sound of the door, which River seemed to enjoy quite a bit, Mal opened it to reveal a rather distressed Book. "I was just attacked," he said. "It was one of those strange people in costume."

"All right, I've had enough," Mal said. "Let's get Zoe and Jayne and see if we can get some answers from these people."

After explaining the situation to the most combat-savvy of his crew, Mal found himself just standing in the hallway, with no idea what to do next until River poked her head out and went to a nearby computer screen. "Map, please," she said, and a schematic of the station promptly appeared on it. "Oh, let's see everything!" she giggled, which Mal ignored as he took over and found the observation dome, where authority figures were most likely to be.

Lennier stood hidden a little down the hallway. He was curious about the mysterious strangers, and had been on his way to meet them, but upon seeing how angry they all were he satisfied himself with listening for now. The one who seemed to be the leader now said "Now let's see if we can find out what the hell's going on in this-" and then said something Lennier was not expecting. After helping Mr. Garibaldi with his motorcycle, he had taken an interest in other aspects of Earth culture, including Mandarin Chinese, which he was sure was what he had just heard. He walked off to tell Delenn about this.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Sheridan and Ivanova watched with dread as the jumpgate activated, and a Centauri war cruiser came through, something that was unlikely to be a good sign these days. It's captain came online and after introducing himself said, "You are harboring a war criminal, the Narn S'san. He has commited countless atrocities to Centauri soldiers, torturing them far beyond what is acceptable even for wartime.

Sheridan stepped forward and said, "And what are we supposed to do about that? If we do have him on board, none of us had any idea."

The Centauri said, "Then I suggest you find him quickly. We will give you two hours to turn him over; after that we will attack this station full force. Only Centauri will be allowed to leave before we do so; anyone else will be destroyed."

Now Ivanova spoke. "If you do that you'll be just as bad as this S'san! Surely you see that!"

"If to catch a monster we must become monsters ourselves, so be it." With that, the transmission ended.

Sheridan sighed. "We'd better start the search. There's no way we can stop that cruiser from destroying the station if they really want to."

Ivanova replied, "Captain, there's a quarter million souls onboard. The odds of us finding him in two hours are…"

She was interrupted by the arrival of Mal, Zoe, Jayne, and Book. At the sight of them Sheridan grabbed the PPG he had asked Garibaldi for when his suspicions began. "Whatever you're doing here, it's not getting done! Leave right now!" he shouted.

"Not until you tell me what your gorram deal is!" Mal returned.

Jayne recognized Ivanova from the docking transmission, and snarled, "Hey gorgeous," at her.

"Really not the time, Jayne," Mal said, but by the time he was done Ivanova had punched Jayne hard. As he fell to the ground, she turned to the others and said, "You're wasting time we really don't have right now. Just go back to your quarters."

"The hell with that!" said Mal as he grabbed Sheridan's gun. The two wrestled over it for a few seconds, when it went off…


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks again for all the great reviews, yes, even yours, Alison! It's been a while since I watched any Firefly episodes, so I apologize if I got the voices wrong. My main purpose in writing this is that there seemed to be literally no examples of this particular crossover at all, so I figured I'd have to write one myself. As for Lennier's knowledge of Chinese, the idea I had is that his experience with the Japanese got him interested in other Oriental languages. I hope I do better from now on.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The sound of the shot caused everyone to stop, but they soon saw that it had only hit the floor. Just as the fight was about to begin again, Delenn rushed into the room. "Wait, captain!" she said. "They don't mean any harm. I believe I know what is going on."

"Better make it quick, we've got a bit of a situation here," Sheridan replied.

Delenn said, "The things they have said, coupled with what you told me Kosh said about them, 'They do not belong here.' I believe that the rift in Sector 14 did not transport them across time or space, but from a different universe entirely. One where no intelligent species other than humans exist."

"Okay, you lost me," said Jayne from the floor, before Mal hushed him.

"So, all this is for real, those folk out there are really…aliens?" Mal asked.

"That would explain a lot," said Zoe.

Ivanova piped up with, "Yes, it's very interesting, but we're in a bit of a crisis now. We've got less than two hours to find one particular Narn before that ship out there blows up this whole place."

Ignoring the shock of Serenity's crew, Sheridan said, "Open up a channel to those Centauri again," Once the techs had done so, he said to the captain, "Look, you've got to give us more to go on. Does this S'san have any distinctive features?"

The Centauri captain replied, "Years ago he was wounded above his left eye, but the scar from that must be nearly faded by now. Our ultimatum still stands. Goodbye." The screen blinked out.

At this Book spoke up. "I was just attacked by someone who fits that description. I assume these Narns are the ones who have a reptilian appearance?"

"That's right," said Sheridan. "And you recognized this? The Narns are pretty quick healers."

Mal shook his head. "You'd be surprised what this old preacher knows about things like this. Where'd you last see him, Shepherd?"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Upon opening the door to Book's quarters, Sheridan was disappointed to see them empty. "He could be a lot of places by now. I guess we're back to square one."

"Well, then I'm going," said Mal. As he headed to collect the others, Sheridan followed and said, "That war cruiser is going to destroy any non-Centauri ships that leave the station! I saw that ship of yours, and it's unarmed. There's no way you'll make it!"

Mal turned to him. "At least I'll have done something. We've got a good pilot; I'll take my chances."

Sheridan could see it was a lost cause, and said to Ivanova, "We'd better start looking."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Mal went into his room, where Simon and River were still waitng. Simon asked, "So did you find out what's going on?"

"Yes, and we're leaving," said Mal, but just then a strange figure appeared in the room.

"I would advise against that," it said.


	7. Chapter 7

Mal, Simon, and River all stared at the apparition. It was another one of the people with a bone structure on the back of his head, but this one was different. He was glowing with a soft yellow light, and Mal found that if he looked hard enough, he could see through the man. Mal said, "I've seen enough weird things here that I'm willing to take a little on faith at the moment, but I'm in a hurry so just say your piece quickly, would you?"

The man nodded. "My name is Draal. I don't expect you to understand this, but I am currently connected to a Great Machine deep in the planet below you, and projecting myself to you all. Er, I'm sorry, but does she have to do that?"

Mal noticed that River was playfully waving her hands right through Draal. Simon pulled her back and said, "I apologize. Does it interfere with you at all?"

Draal replied, "No, it's just distracting. Anyway, you came to this universe through an area called Sector 14. Some strange things have happened there, and even I, with all the powers of the Great Machine at my disposal, do not know all its secrets. But I do know that nothing happens there without reason. There is some purpose to you and your crew being here, Captain Reynolds, and you must accomplish that before it will return you to your own world."

Mal shrugged. "Okay, doesn't sound like much of a problem. So what do we have to do?"

"That I don't know, though I suspect it has something to do with the imminent threat now posed to the station. I imagine you are the ones meant to save it. I regret that I cannot help you further. Good luck." The spectre of Draal vanished as suddenly as it had come.

Simon had seemed enraptured by the image, but as soon as it was gone he snapped back to his senses. "What did he mean, imminent threat?" he snapped at Mal.

"Yeah, about that," Mal said. Seems there's a ship outside threatening to blow the whole place up unless they give 'em this guy named Ss…sa…S'san, that it! Which is why I was just saying we were leaving. But it seems we've got nowhere to go anyway."

Then both of them noticed River was quietly repeating the name. Then she closed her eyes, stood up, and said, "Follow me."


	8. Chapter 8

Wow, my first flame! Although, let me just point out that if you're going to disparage a show, the least you could do is get its name right, which shouldn't be too hard as it's right in the story's summary. And for the record, I do consider Firefly to be inferior to B5, it being "merely" an excellent show while B5 is the greatest use ever of the television medium.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

River wandered down the hallway, a mystified Mal and Simon following. Both had long since given up on talking to her; they had tried for a couple minutes but she did not respond, only continuing to press on. Along the way, they ran into Garibaldi, who joined in thee parade after a quick explanation. Finally, they stopped before a door. "Open, please," said River.

"I don't get it," said Garibaldi. "This is Ambassador G'Kar's quarters. Sure, he hates the Centauri, but associating with a war criminal?"

Mal scoffed. "I don't much care, just open the door so we can find out what she's on about."

Garibaldi tapped the pad beside the door, and a gruff "Come!" welcomed him in. The door opened, and the four walked inside to see G'Kar and another Narn, who River quickly pointed at. "You want to tell us who your friend is, G'Kar?" asked Garibaldi.

G'Kar replied, "He was attacked by one of the new arrivals. They are Centauri masquerading as humans, you know. You'd do well to be rid of them."

Mal stepped up and said, "Maybe you'd like to say that to my face. And you'd better hurry up; apparently there's some folk outside pretty angry with you."

Garibaldi continued, "Well, G'Kar? Is this S'san?"

G'Kar stepped in front of the other Narn protectively and replied, "Yes, it is. What of it?"

"A Centauri war cruiser is threatening to blow up the station unless we hand him over. We can't hold out against the kind of firepower that ship's got," said Garibaldi.

S'san stepped out from behind him. "Well, my people's ambassador will never let that happen! Won't you, G'Kar?"

G'Kar closed his eyes for a second, then turned to S'san. "Why you in particular? As vicious as the Centauri are, they wouldn't target one particular Narn without reason.

S'san wouldn't answer, so Garibialdi spoke for him. "Seems your little friend here's made quite a name for himself as a war criminal. Subjecting lots of Centauri to horrible torture. I didn't get details, but it must have been pretty bad if they'd go this far to get their hands on him."

G'Kar again turned to S'san. "Is this true?"

S'san grinned. "Of course. I am Narn; the Centauri are my sworn enemy. Why shouldn't I make them pay for what they did to us, and are doing again?"

G'Kar raised a hand to his forehead. "S'san, last year, I ordered a sneak attack on the Centauri agricultural colony on Raghesh 3. Now they have returned in kind. I have learned something from this: defeating a monster is meaningless if you become that monster in the process. I'm sorry, S'san, I cannot protect you."

S'san bellowed in rage, and ran for the door. Garibaldi and Mal both tried to stop him, but the enraged Narn warrior easily plowed through both of them. They gave chase in the hallway, but then saw River outrunning them both. She soon caught up and tackled S'san, and after a brief flurry of limbs it was she who rose.

"I think we can go now," she said.


	9. Epilogue

The crew of Serenity was back aboard their ship, and had just left Babylon 5. Ivanova's face appeared on the viewscreen. "One of our pilots has volunteered to lead you back to Sector 14, which will hopefully take you back to your universe now that your purpose here is accomplished. I can't exactly say it's been fun, but good luck to you."

Mal replied, "From what I've seen you could use some luck yourself. Hope things turn out okay for you folk."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

As they neared the sector, the pilot ahead of them came on screen. "This is as far as I go; just keep to your present course. Trust me, you can't miss it."

"Thanks," said Mal. "You know, I think I'm going to miss you guys. You've got a hell of an operation going on there."

"Oh, that we do. I wish you could have stayed a little longer and seen some more of it. The casinos, the hydroponic garden…"

At that Mal and Wash looked at each other in shock. Wash whispered, "Let's not tell the others, okay?" Mal quickly nodded.

As the Starfury peeled off, Wash and Mal kept their eyes straight ahead. Before long, they saw strange activity, like lightning arcing through space, which Wash headed straight for.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

After everyone had regained consciousness again, they headed right to where they had been going: a big job for Mingo and Fanty. But as they descended toward the planet, Mal was shocked by a piece of the ship breaking off.

"What was that?"


End file.
